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My mother looked at me sympathetically. She was worried about Jamie, but she was also worried about me. I went on.

“It’s hard for me to talk to her. All I can do when I look at her is think about the day when I won’t be able to. So I spend all my time at school thinking about her, wishing I could see her right then, but when I get to her house, I don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t know if there’s anything you can say to make her feel better.”

“Then what should I do?”

She looked at me sadly and put her arm around my shoulder. “You really love her, don’t you,” she said.

“With all my heart.”

She looked as sad as I’d ever seen her. “What’s your heart telling you to do?”

“I don’t know.”

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“Maybe,” she said gently, “you’re trying too hard to hear it.”

The next day I was better with Jamie, though not much. Before I’d arrived, I’d told myself that I wouldn’t say anything that might get her down-that I’d try to talk to her like I had before-and that’s exactly how it went. I sat myself on her couch and told her about some of my friends and what they were doing; I caught her up on the success of the basketball team. I told her that I still hadn’t heard from UNC, but that I was hopeful I’d know within the next few weeks. I told her I was looking forward to graduation. I spoke as though she’d be back to school the following week, and I knew I sounded nervous the entire time. Jamie smiled and nodded at the appropriate times, asking questions every now and then. But I think we both knew by the time I finished talking that it was the last time I would do it. It didn’t feel right to either of us.  My heart was telling me exactly the same thing.